Weapons of Mass Destruction

It has been a few months since I have posted. At my house, things are good, but busy as always.  We are fresh off of the heels of the holidays and done trying to stick it out for another New Year's resolution (which is the subject of another blog yet to be written).  My family (which includes the Markers) are all finally finished with the year of the great move. If you didn't know, we have all been in the process of house jumping since February of 2012.  Now that we are all mostly settled, life is simply trudging along at a normal pace.

My kids, which are usually front and center as the topic of these posts, are also moving at a face pace. Literally, the boys are growing so quickly and are clearly about as "All Boy" as they could possibly be.  I think in the new year, I will continue to watch them really develop their unique personalities.  Since Sawyer is close to turning two, I have been forced to start thinking about the possibility of having another child: this includes thinking about if I really DO want to try again for that elusive girl baby I have always wanted so desperately.  As my intelligent brother put it, "Mica, you have to think about what you will be more disappointed about: not having another baby and never knowing if you would have had a girl OR having the third baby and getting another boy, 'cause let's face it, that is probably what will happen." True. I know it is true, and I am starting to be OK with the idea that I honestly may never have that daughter to share all things girly with.  Honestly, I am not sure my nerves and or house can take another Mecham, at least not at this moment! Why? Because my kids are rambunctious, wild, loud, rough, and destructive little boys (I mean that lovingly. They are the very definition of what little boys are made of.) 

It's funny, as a kid, I pictured myself as mom to a sweet and perfect little girl. Instead, I am mom to two of the most adorable, but also most mischievous and spirited kids on the block (seriously, I have even been gifted the copy of the text Raising Your Spirited Child for Pete's sake!). They keep me laughing, or crying, or yelling, or sighing pretty much all of the time.  At the end of most days I am worn totally out, but when I stop to think about it, I so enjoy every laugh they provide, even if the laugh is due to them breaking something or saying something a little girl would probably never say.

When people say "How are your kids?" I almost instinctively reply, "Great, they tear everything I own up, but they are wonderful!" And it's true; they somehow manage to get into more messes and tear more stuff up than the average kid.  They are literally like atomic bombs running around my house (why do you think the bomb dropped on Hiroshima in 1945 was nicknamed "Little Boy?"  Probably whoever named it had all boys who also destroyed everything in that person's house.)  They are like adorable weapons of mass destruction sent to make sure every effort I put into keeping my house clean is futile. My mom used to say Ryder reminded her of Brad when he was a kid with his talkative and rambunctious personality, but now the general consensus is that Ryder has passed him by leaps and bounds. The other day my aunt Scarlett invited the entire family over for dinner and I, in all seriousness, asked if we were really invited. This is because I am aware that we are loud and destructive and know that we have become that family that others sometimes dread to see coming.

It must be genetic, when my mom was a kid, her family from Texas would visit.  Her uncle and aunt would bring their four rowdy sons to Alabama. For my mom as a young girl with only a sister, these visits were hugely anticipated.  She would get to experience the fun and roughness that I think only a boy can provide.  She has memories of things like trying to wring the neck of a chicken, only to have it half decapitated and running through my grandmother's freshly washed linens hanging on the line, spurting blood wildly everywhere.  My mom has confessed that she and Scarlett would hide away all of their most precious baby dolls when the Lankford boys came to ensure that nothing unfortunate happened to them.  When I was a kid, we would go to Texas to visit those same four boys, all grown up and fathers to their own sons.  One of my most vivid memories of visiting them was when one of my Texan cousins, who was all destructive boy, accidentally drove a go-cart into a pond.  That sounds like something I could see Ryder doing one day, though I sure hope he never does. Well, fast forward 18 years, and I am the mom of those "Lankford boys" and everyone we know is hiding their dolls when they think we are coming to visit.  Scarlett even posted on my FB page recently the following status: "Mica, You know You and Ryder and Sawyer and Shaun are always invited to our house... U know we love you all... Just Warn me first...lol, might need to put up the breakables.....hehehehe"  So, what type of chaos do they (and I am mostly focusing on Ryder because he is older and has had almost three years of a head start on Sawyer) cause around my house? Let me give you some examples:

1. BROKEN DRAWER: Sawyer is really coming along as quite the climber. He tends to fly under the radar, though, because he is so quiet.  But do not underestimate him. This is the second drawer he has broken in the new house.

 2. BLOODY NOSE: Quickly a day of fun can go south when the play is rough and tough like my boys.  This is the kind of play boys do best, even if someone does end up getting hurt. Don't worry, no major damage was done.

 3. BROKEN KEY: OK, this one was a mind stumper.  Ryder was holding my key; I turned around for a few minutes gathering my stuff as we were heading out the door to work and school. I turned back around and a stunned Ryder said something along the lines of "Uh oh, it broke."  This took all of 3 minutes.  Sigh...

4. BROKEN SALT SHAKER: Eating at Logan's Roadhouse a few weeks ago, it took Ryder all of two solid minutes before dropping and breaking the salt shaker.  Not only is he destructive, but he can do it in record time.

 5. CRAYON IN SHEETS: I was cleaning house and intending on changing the sheets. Good thing too because I discovered my mini Picasso had been hard at work creating a "masterpiece" for me. This is why I always buy washable crayons.

 6: DISASTER IN THE KITCHEN: This can be contributed to both boys.  I was trying to clean out my pantries when Ryder came barreling through and spilled pasta and my stacked throw-away boxes all over the floor, and at the same time, an excited Sawyer chucked his milk to the floor, where it opened and leaked everywhere. Huge mess. Obviously. What to do? Take a picture of course. 

 7. EXPO MARKER IN THE FLOOR: Well, I guess he needs zero access to writing tools, but he loves to draw.  In this case he found an Expo marker in my school bag and decided to tag my floor with a little graffiti work.

8: TORNADO TO THE ROOM: This is what happens when he is at home playing. Why he cannot just play and then put up whatever it is he has and then get something else out is a mystery to me.
    

 9: CEREAL MELTDOWN: This one happened on Chris's watch.  He was eating cereal, and I have know idea how, but somehow spilled the entire bowl on his head and everywhere else too.  The rug did not fare as well as Ryder. Sorry Nikki
*CORRECTION: (Chris wanted me to add that it was TWO bowls of cereal Ryder spilled, ON TOP OF HIS HEAD, and then, when Chris had to give him a bath, he (Ryder, not Chris) pooped in the tub. And Chris had to then clean that lovely mess up too.)

 10. WOODY MASSACRE: Poor Woody. He has lived a hard life at our house.  This is what was left of him after Ryder, Greyson and Jake all got together and played one night.  On a side note, I feel obligated to report that Buzz Lightyear is also missing his jet pack, both wings, his helmet and his right hand.  Gone, but never forgotten.

 11: INK PAD INCIDENT: One night, Ryder casually walked into the den and said "Mica, I have something on me." (He calls me Mica often). I looked up and saw, well, this.  He also had left bluish purple hand prints all over my white cabinets in my bathroom. I have no idea where he found the ink pad. 

 12. MARKER INCIDENT: I found Sawyer in Ryder's bathroom in the dark. This is what was revealed when the lights came on. He had eaten a Magic Marker. The tip was never found (though I am sure some poking around in a poop diaper hours later would have led to an answer, but I wasn't willing to look!)

 13: LIPSTICK INCIDENT: (I am seeing the trend with writing tools).  Ryder made some art on his belly. I was more unhappy that he ruined my expensive Lancome lipstick by bearing down so hard as he wrote.

 14: CURTAINS OFF THE WALL: I knew something was amiss when Ryder came flying out of his room grinning in a half guilty, half funny way and casually proclaimed that nothing was broken in his room.  This is what we found.  If you can't tell in the picture, Ryder is bawling and Shaun is completely pissed off.  Those curtains will never hang correctly again.














15: FISH IN THE WATER: I had to make this picture big or you couldn't see the fish.  Swimming at lake Guntersville last year with the Minton family was a day to remember.  Ryder spent his first day on the water and rode a boat for the first time.  Saying he loved it was an understatement. What was the best moment? When he reached in the water and grabbed a fish (I'll admit; it was gimpy and maybe even bleeding). We laughed so hard that day. Only a true little boy will grab a fish and stare it down, nose to gill. I also can recall Ryder doing some button pushing that I am pretty sure Cory could have lived without.


















16: BROKEN LAP TRAY:  This one was funny because Ryder actually broke this tray the night I wrote this blog but before I published it. Dad had picked the boys up from school, and mom said Ryder walked into her house, went straight to the tray, stood on it and it went SPLAT! She said Mike had not even made it in the house yet from parking the car. When Mike walked in, she said "LOOK! Ryder just broke this." And Ryder, in a get-off-my-back tone, quickly replied, "I SAID (emphasis on said) I am sorry," as he shrugged his shoulders.

17: CATCHING A CHIPMUNK:  Unfortunately, I have no picture of this.  One day after school, Ryder was in the yard.  He saw something move and, being all boy, lunged to grab it. Guess what? He caught it. Want to know what the "it" was? You guessed it. A chipmunk. Seriously. He started yelling "I caught a squirrel! I caught a squirrel!" And when we realized what he had, we started yelling "PUT IT DOWN! PUT IT DOWN!" There was no time to find a camera. That is unfortunate.

18:  BABY IN THE DRYER: If you know Sawyer, you know that recently he has become the Edmund Hillary of climbing in our house. You must beware. This one will climb onto or into anything.  I catch him on top of tables, pushing chairs to get on counters, climbing furniture, sitting on the top of the back of the couch, and recently, I caught him in the bathroom sink bowl with the lights out brushing his teeth. This is the last place I found him. Before you call Child Safety Services, know that I am aware this is dangerous; I do not intend to let him fluff and dry in the dryer, and I am being vigilant to keep the dryer door closed (it normally is but someone left it open this day.) But, I just couldn't help taking a picture before jerking him out and getting on to him.

19: FROG AT THE PARTY: What all American little boy doesn't love a frog?  Ryder loves gross animals and he was ecstatic to catch a frog at my sister in law's birthday party. He happily carried it around all night, only whining when he couldn't make it balance on a balloon.  The funniest party was after he came back into the party area after being outside with the bigger kids sans froggy. I asked him where it went, and he honestly and casually replied, "Oh, down the doggy's froat (throat)." Rest in Peace little frog.

Do I need to go on? I thought so. (But believe me, I could. There may be a part deux).

Moral of the story--I think boys are on the whole more rambunctious than girls.  I am aware that some girls fit into the rowdy and destructive category and that some boys are easy going and don't mess up anything. But in the grand comparison, most of the people I know with girls never have experienced all of the mess and broken stuff that my kids cause. If there is a drink out, they will spill it.  If there is a valuable around, they will break it.  Dad had a vase he really liked and Ryder promptly tried to sit in it and broke it into pieces.  I arrived to find an irritated Cathy shoving Ryder out the door, telling him to go home.  It's what they do, and everyone knows it.  The boys and I all ate dinner the other night at Scarlett and Gary's house (yes, we got invited back again), and Ryder was in the den making a ton of noise while Scarlett, mom, and Gary all stood around the bar.  Scarlett looked up and said "Gary, go check on them; I hear something rattling "  Without so much as skipping a breath, Gary dryly replied "Shit's been rattling since they got here!" And well, that pretty much sums us up.

I look at Ryder like he is Dennis the Menace.  As much as Dennis did to get into a mess, the outcome was almost so comical that Mr. Wilson simply couldn't stay mad at him.  As for Sawyer, he is a bit more ninja like in his mess making, doing it while sucking a pacifier and not making a sound.

I still would love to have a girl one day, but I am so very glad I was able to experience the fun of a boy.  God knew what he was doing when he gave me my perfect boys. It has done me a lot of good. I can roll with the punches better and as a bonus, worms don't seem nearly as gross as they used to before a boy.  All in all, as unlikely as it may have seemed, I love being a momma to a couple of rowdy boys.  Even if people dread to see us coming, I know that when we get there, we will probably have them laughing in no time flat (and we promise to buy anything we break.)

So, do you have a rambunctious boy (or girl for that matter)?