My Daily Dose of Joy

In my classes at JSU, my students compose a personal essay about their personal beliefs.  These essays, based on the essays that have been written and read aloud for years on the NPR This I Believe radio program, must contain a personal belief, a narrative and a positive outlook.  They are not intended to persuade others to feel the way the author feels; instead, they are simply a vehicle to share one's personal belief with the world.  If you know me, you know one of my strongest beliefs is the importance of breastfeeding. (Jennifer Foster would say it is "my thing.") So, here is my This I Believe personal essay.  I hope you enjoy (and, if it persuades you to breastfeed, I won't lie, that will make me happy!)

Mica Mecham,
Mother to Ryder (3yrs) and Sawyer (11 months)

            Three years ago, my life changed when I became a mother. Although I was awestruck and completely in love with my son, I suffered from postpartum depression.  I cried over stains on baby clothes, obsessed about baby spit-up, worried endlessly about organizing baby paraphernalia and acted, well, nuts.  I knew I was depressed, yet did not know how to fix it. I am type A, like to be in control and want things to go as planned. So I found it unlikely that the one aspect of motherhood that somehow seemed so natural to me, even soothed me, was breastfeeding—an act that required OCD me to be unsure of exactly how many ounces baby was drinking, required me to struggle through days when I couldn’t figure out why baby wasn’t nursing well, required me to simply rely on my God given instincts.  I only nursed my first born for six months. I returned to work and struggled with pumping and eventually, my OCD personality overtook my joy of nursing, and I decided to use formula to alleviate the stress of having to supply X ounces of breast milk for baby daily.

With the birth of my second son, I decided to breastfeed again. This time, however, I was changed.  The three years in between my children’s births molded me into a more relaxed person. I regained my sense of self and overcame all feelings of postpartum. I entered into my second round of motherhood with zero depression, only elation.  I loved mothering, even the stains on the shirts and the baby gear cluttering my home.  And, as I did the first time, I loved nursing.  I can think of no greater feeling than being able to provide this small, sweet, helpless baby with exactly what God intended for him.  I still have to battle days when nursing doesn’t go smoothly, but I know eventually all will be right again.  I also recently returned to work.  This time, however, I am not stressing.  I pump and take it one day, or bottle, at a time, and when I do start to feel the old OCD me creeping up, I look at my sweet baby and remember why I love nursing; I also look at my rambunctious three year old and wish I had been more diligent for him.

My goal is simply to nurse for an extended amount of time. I hope to encourage other new mothers to give nursing a fighting chance, not to give up when it seems too hard, to take those difficult moments and realize they will eventually turn into easier ones, ones where a sweet, milky-mouthed baby gazes lovingly at his mother while he casually nurses.  So, this I believe, nursing is powerful; it is nourishing, both physically and mentally for both mommy and baby; it is a selfless act that provides baby with a healthy start and mommy with a sense of accomplishment; it is my daily dose of joy. 

Mommies Don't Get Naps...

The last few days Sawyer has not been feeling too well. He woke about every two hours last night and was extremely irritable all day yesterday. Top that off with the fact that Ryder took a late nap yesterday and was ready to go until at least 11:30 last night. He kept popping up in my room and climbing in my bed. I kept having to get up to remove him. By the time I went to bed, I was tired--getting up with Sawyer did not help. So this morning I would have loved to have slept in. Didn't happen. But what did happen was that my mom came over at about 12 and sweetly offered for me to go take a long nap. I haven't taken a daytime nap in who remembers when! Naps--I remember naps--The thought sounded wonderful.

One of my friends at school and I joke about our naps (her real ones and my fantasized ones) with a funny name she came up with. Let's say she is planning on an afternoon nap on a Friday; that is a FAN. If it is Thursday, it is the TAN (get it). So today I was going to take a SAN.

Oh, but remember, the title of this is blog: Mommies Don't Get Naps.

So I hurried and cleaned the kitchen up (I am totally OCD and cannot sleep knowing crumbs are in the floor) and planned to head to my room. Then, Sawyer stunk up the room. I literally thought our toilet had flooded. SO, off I went to change him! Once I struggled to hold him down and diaper him, I handed him off to mom to rock. In the mean time, Ryder came into the room to tell me how clean he was. "Okay?" I said. (This never means anything good). He then had me follow him to his room to show me the spilled Yoohoo, which he had covered up with his rug. He also saw a smushed Oreo and yelled "EWE...DOO DOO!") I cleaned this mess up and situated Ryder in the den to watch Caillou. At that point, I decided to put Sawyer's ear drops in while he was asleep. This woke him up slightly, and I waited for him to settle so I could transfer him to the crib for mom. Then mother went to the den with Ryder. I made sure they were okay, then climbed into my bed! "How awesome," I thought. It took about 5 seconds after I closed my eyes for mom to yell "Are you in bed?" "Yes," I said flatly. I knew where this was going. "Ryder messed up the TV." So I climbed out of bed, headed into the den and fixed the TV. At this point, Ryder figured out I was doing something without him. He followed me to my room and said he would take a nap with me. Sure. Okay.

We snuggled in the bed and got comfortable. That lasted about .4 seconds. He then spotted my computer and wanted to play a game. "No!" I told him. He does not like being told no. He argued and whined and I finally told him bluntly that he did not always get everything he wanted. At this he huffed and crossed his arms and proclaimed "You are mean mommy. You are not my Frand!" I said "Fine--get out of my bed." This made him cry. The nap was not going well.

I eventually compromised and sent him into the den with my iPad to watch whatever it was he wanted to watch and off he ran. I settled down, got in that place where you are almost asleep but still kind of awake, and then realized I hadn't heard mom say anything to Ryder when I sent him to the den. I listened and heard nothing. I pictured Ry wandering around outside close to the road. I couldn't sleep until I checked on them. I drug myself out of bed and walked to the den. Mom was asleep on the couch and Ry was quietly beside her (she was dozing, not sound asleep). "Good!" I thought. But then Ry saw me. He followed me back to bed, and we started all over again. I tried to simply ignore him. He poked my head, pulled my hair, raised my eyelids. At one point, he twisted my head towards him, and I thought was going to kiss me. Instead he licked me all down my face...I could have done without that. Mom was trying to get him to come back to the den or to go in his room to take a nap. Not a chance. Again, he tired of messing with me and left. "Finally!" I thought. It was at about this precise moment that Sawyer cried out in the monitor. I sat up as Ryder ran down the hall trailing my mom to check on him. He caught me looking and popped his head back into my room.

"Mommy? You waking up from you nap to play with me?" "Yep," I replied. "My nap is over." After all, mommies don't get naps.

(It should be noted that at this point, Shaun graciously took Ry outside to play so I could have a minute. But by this time, I was no longer sleepy)

So, do you get to take naps?

Working Moms...

As I was driving the boys to daycare this morning, Ryder saw a dog on the side of the road. This must have sparked some sort of thought process that, to adults does not necessarily make any real sense, but to an almost four year old is perfectly logical; thus ensued the following conversation:

Ryder: Mom, see that white doggy?

Me: Yes.

Ryder: The Bible says we want a white dog.

Me: Really? You mean to have as a pet?

Ryder: Yeah, the Bible wants us to have a white doggy.

Me: Oh, okay. Who else is in the Bible?

Ryder: Jesus (in his Ryder –gruff-lisp-type of voice; actually it was more of Thesus). And hers a baby.

Me: You mean He; Jesus is a boy, like you and Sawyer. What do we know about Jesus?

Ryder: That he died and grows big and long (Don’t worry; I am not sure what this means either!).

Me: Okay. Jesus was big and strong too. And He died for you. Did you know that?

Ryder: Yeah. And we don’t eat Jesus (Thesus) either. That would be yucky…

Me: No, we don’t eat Jesus---!?!

This little 3 minute conversation made me laugh, as Ryder usually does. I really thought about it and decided I needed to be writing down all of Ryder’s antics (if you know him or our stories, you may know how much he really can get into!) So I decided I would start a blog about our family, mostly as a way to record our funny moments for the future, but it may also serve as entertainment as well.

I then dropped Ryder off at daycare (Sawyer too but he is much more low key, that one), and because Sawyer is YET AGAIN all stuffed up, I felt bad about having to leave him, even though I do love my daycare (ECA in the Bluff—shout out!). It then made me think of a segment on Dr. Laura’s radio show (yes, I listen to her on my way home from work. I admit it). Dr. Laura is quite the personality. Some of her views I agree with, though her snarky way of talking to listeners sometimes detracts from her good guidance, but she has other tidbits of advice (or orders) that she gives listeners that makes me seriously wonder how the listeners don’t call her an expletive and hang up on her!

Anyway, so the other day, she read this article about the world’s oldest physician (Dr. Leila Denmark) who died at the age of 114. She was a pediatrician and did not stop practicing until she was 103 (WHAT?!). Apparently, Dr. Denmark was a firm believer that children today were (are) much sicker than when she began practicing in 1928. She strongly argued (Denmark, not Dr. Laura, but hold on, I am making the con nection) that it was mainly due to mothers being basically brainwashed into thinking they needed to get jobs instead of staying home and raising a family, which in turn resulted in the need for daycare, the cesspool that spawns childhood illnesses for so many kids. This excerpt, from The Telegraph, is what Dr. Laura read:

Her no-nonsense approach to child-rearing gained a wider audience through her 1971 book Every Child Should Have a Chance, and through Dr Denmark Said It, a compilation of her pearls of wisdom by Madia Bowman. Some of her advice was controversial. While she believed women should have the same opportunities as men in the workplace, she argued that they should not contract out child care to others. “Women have been brainwashed into believing don’t mess around with a child, let someone else do it and go out and be lawyers, teachers, preachers, anything,” she said. “And we’ve never had more sick children than we have today.”

Staying at home and rearing children she regarded as “the most important work on Earth”. Meanwhile, babies should be put on a consistent schedule of feeding and sleeping; and after they are weaned, they should not be given anything to drink but water — no milk, no fruit juice. Dummies, she said, were “dirty things” — “a mother who gives one to a child isn’t caring for that child, she just wants to shut him up”. (The Telegraph).

This is why Dr. Laura included this: because she herself is a HUGE supporter of moms staying home to raise babies instead of working, which is a fabulous thing, I agree; however, we cannot all stay home. (BTW, have you been to the grocery store lately?! Ridiculous. We need money to eat.) Dr. Laura used this information as further proof that moms should, if at all possible, stay home to raise the family. I have heard her many times tell callers, specifically women who are seeking advice about what to do about being tired after coming home from work and having to deal with children, possibly also dealing with a husband who wants “me time,” to stop working. When the female caller protests, Dr. Laura basically berates her for not being willing to “sacrifice” for her family (meaning giving up material things and her job to be able to raise said child instead of “have someone else raise the baby” as Dr. Laura would put it). Dr. Laura is unforgiving in her views and will tell callers (I actually heard her say this yesterday) “cut from somewhere so you can be a SAHM.” When the caller says she can’t cut anywhere else, Dr. Laura basically tells her to try harder and sacrifice. To me, this implies then that I, a working mom, am not willing to sacrifice for my kids because I am not willing to stop working to stay home. In a sense, she is right. I am not willing to sacrifice, but geez, she makes it sound like mothers who work when they could possibly make it on just the husband’s salary, though meager as it may be, are selfish and have no right to complain about being tired or stressed because it is their own fault.

She also thinks daycare equals a mom not raising her own child. Now, I have a HUGE problem with this. My kids are in daycare, as are many other kids, and I find it offensive to think I am not raising my own kids. I actually, however, am not trying to argue the validity of her point. I just find it crazy that somehow, these working moms always end up agreeing with Dr. Laura, saying “wow. Yep. You are right.” WTH? Are you kidding? It is the callers’ responses that boggle my mind. (And does anyone else think it is ironic that this information is coming from two CAREER WOMEN?) Maybe I am selfish because I cannot, rather do not, want to give up my job. I love our house and the wonderful things (cliché, but this word encompasses all—toys, gifts, food, toiletries, clothes, diapers, etc) my paycheck gives to my family when added to Shaun’s.

Well, maybe this blog entry ended up being a bit more loaded than I meant for it to be—sorry. I guess I will not be calling Dr. Laura anytime soon for advice either (though I will probably still listen). She would surely make me want to punch somebody in the face! But if you haven’t ever listened to her (Sirius Stars 107) then give her a try. See how she makes you feel and let me know! If nothing else, it may be good fodder for a future blog entry.

"Dr. Leila Denmark." The Telegraph. 6 Apr. 2012. Web. 19 Apr. 2012