30 Days Of Thanks, Mommy Edition

Ah, November, a time of thanks. It is a Facebook tradition to celebrate all that we, and I guess by we I mean FB users, are thankful for each day by posting a "Day of Thanks" status update.  You have all seen them, and most of you probably post them (right?), and many of you cannot keep up with them and then are forced to post multiple thanks in one day:

 I'm behind, so Day 4: I am thankful for my family. Day 5: I am thankful for my health, blah blah...

Don't get me wrong; I am not judging. I too started with good intentions and then slowly forgot about the "Day of Thanks" post.  I also think it is pretty safe to say we are mostly all thankful for the same things: God, health, family, friends, children, church family, pets, etc.  And I am no different. I am certainly thankful for these same blessings I have in my life. I believe God is almighty, powerful, merciful and is my hope. I am thankful for his love for me and my family and for the salvation he has insured for me through Jesus Christ. I am thankful I have a loving husband, amazing children, wonderful parents, a beautiful home and a secure job.  But I am also thankful for the small, seemingly insignificant things as well. And as a mom, I am thankful for a whole plethora of things, ranging from medicine to cartoons, SO here is my list of my 30 Days of Thanks, Mommy Edition.

I am thankful for...

1.A doctor's office that is open on the weekends. My kids ALWAYS get sick on the weekends.  Why? I have no idea; it is one of the mysteries of the universe, up there with missing socks in the dryer.  When we were younger, most doctor's offices were closed on the weekend and a parent's only option was to go to the ER, and though that still happens occasionally, the fact that the offices are open 24/7 is a huge blessing. 

2. Pack N Plays.  Now that Sawyer is 18 months old and into everything, I am constantly on the move chasing after him.  I cannot trust him; as soon as I take my eyes off of him, he ends up in trouble.  More than once I have found him stirring the toilet water with his hand or sitting fully dressed in a wet bottomed bathtub. If it weren't for a Pack N Play, I would quite possibly never be able to take a shower in peace. 

3. Spaghetti-Os: Hear me out. Saying Ryder is a picky eater is an understatement, and unless you count french fries, he eats zero vegetables. So, even though you holistic health conscious moms are silently shuddering (along with Jennifer Foster), I somehow feel justified in feeding Ryder Spaghetti-Os because they claim to contain 20% of a child's needed daily vegetable intake, and they even come with meatballs, which boosts extra protein, or you can opt for Spaghetti-Os Plus Calcium. I see this meal as a win win. 

 4. Five Point Harness Car Seat: Sometimes, I am going to be honest, I go somewhere simply so I can strap my kids into the five point car seats where I know they will be safe and so that I can relax for a few minutes without having to worry that one of them is into something that he shouldn't be. Don't act like you have never done it.   

5. Mickey Mouse Club House: I swear I sing the Hot Dog song in my sleep, but it is like baby crack, and my kids will quietly watch it every time.  Thank you Disney Jr. 

6. Disney Jr App: Number five brings me directly to Number six. If you weren't aware, Disney Jr has an app that is free (bonus, because I would totally pay for it) which allows my kids to watch unlimited episodes of Mickey Mouse, as well as other favorites including Jake and the Neverland Pirates and Doc McStuffins on the go.  Now my kids will not only quietly watch TV at home, but in public as well, which is a lifesaver when we go out to eat.

7. iPad 2: Alright, this is another extension of Numbers six.  We wouldn't have the joy of watching the Disney Jr app is we didn't have an iPad (or my iphone or Shaun's droid for that matter) to watch it on.  I must say, I am very glad to be raising my kids in the digital age.  Otherwise, I might never get to enjoy a meal in public.  Not in peace at least.

8. Daycare and the wonderful women who work there:  I am a full time working mom, so my children must go to daycare. I would like to be a stay at home mom, but I have to admit, I love my job, and it provides my family with many luxuries.  This means my kids must go to daycare.  There are times I wish it weren't this way, like when they pick up every illness floating around, but seriously, I am very thankful for them. They (ECA --shout out in the Bluff) take great care of my boys; I have formed friendships with the workers and totally trust them, and honestly, if it weren't for them, my trips to Wal-Mart would be painful.  They do a yeoman's job.

9. Pacifiers: What a perfect invention, a plug for a baby. Genius.

10. Disposable Diapers: Now, I know some of you moms love washable diapers (probably the same moms who cringed at the Spaghetti-Os), but those are not my style. I am very thankful I can take that pile of poop, fold it up and throw it out. No scraping, dumping, soaking, wringing out, or washing necessary.  

11. Washable Magic Markers:  Ryder thinks he is an artist, and maybe he is (gets it from me) but sometimes, he creates his masterpieces on my walls or even on his own body.  The other day I came home, and he had drawn blue lines all over his body. I asked what they were supposed to be. He said (as if it was a stupid question) "my bones!"  Luckily, they washed off easily in the bath tub later that night. 

12. Play Doh: Not all moms are down with the mess that kids can make with Play Doh, but me, I LOVE it! A can of Play Doh will keep Ryder occupied for hours, and it is one of the only play activities I really enjoy doing with him. Play Doh is fun. And it vacuums up pretty easily too. 

13. Hokes Bluff Drug Shoppe: I want to give thanks for the sweet pharmacists and staff at HB Drug. They ALWAYS help me out when I need it. I swear, I have joked that I want Candace to be my pediatrician because I trust her judgment more than the doctor's on certain things. In fact, I still drive from Southside to HB for my prescriptions.  Walgreens may be open later, but there, I am just a number, and at HB Drug, they know me by name and treat me like family.   
*(I do want to note, however, that I have had good experiences at Rainbow City Walgreens.)

14. Happy Hiney from Hughes Pharmacy: This is an amazing diaper rash cream, and believe me, I am an expert. It may cost 12 bucks for a teeny tiny jar, but it is like gold when my baby's bottom is raw.  I never like to be without it. 

15. Munchkin Microwaveable Sterilizing Steam Bags:  These nifty little inventions allow me to sterilize Sawyer's pacifiers easily and quickly. I keep a bag on my counter, and as I feel the paci's get dirty (after hitting the floor or having gone out in public with us) I put them in the steam bag. Once I start running low on sterilized pacifiers or when my bag gets full, I add a few ounces of water and pop that baby in the microwave for 90 secs and BAAM! Sterilized. If not for these bags, Sawyer wouldn't have had a clean pacifier past 6 weeks old. 

16. TUBES! Okay, I know I haven't had the best luck with tubes. Ryder has had 6 sets, 4 in the past year alone, and Sawyer has also had tubes.  Both boys had troubles including constant draining, staff infection, etc, BUT without tubes, it would have been so much worse. I swear, I think if my kids had been born before tubes were a routine process, they may very well have ended up deaf. 

17. Peanut Butter: Without peanut butter, Ryder would never get protein. It is a staple in our house. 

18. On Demand from Charter and Netflix: Thank goodness for instant access to kid friendly television shows. This keeps my kids happy and keeps me from having to buy 18 billion kiddy DVDs that will be watched nonstop for a month and then forgotten about. 

19.  Breastfeeding: I know I am known as the breast feeding weirdo in my circle of friends (heck, probably in my family too) but I believe in it, and enjoy it for the benefits of health and closeness it has provided for me and my boys. It has also allowed me to connect with a group of women through a support group held monthly at GRMC. They have become friends with whom I share a common bond. The benefits have been great--no bottles, no formula, no washing or sterilizing, no carrying coolers, as well as a reason to take a break with my baby, and there is almost nothing in a baby's small world that nursing can't fix. I wouldn't have made it through our ear problems last year in one piece if it hadn't been for nursing Sawyer at night.  Give it a fighting chance ladies...

20. Baby Monitor's: This seems silly, but it allows me to sleep peacefully knowing that even though my baby is in the next room, I can hear him clearly and loudly through my monitor. Otherwise, I might be so asleep he would scream for hours before I realized it.

21. LeAnn Browning: Does this one make you laugh? It is legit. Without her I wouldn't have the beautiful pictures to document the growth of my gorgeous family.  She is an amazing friend and an excellent photographer. If you haven't used her, you should. 

22. Friends With Kids: I have been lucky to have a large group of friends who all have wild kids (this is a compliment).  It makes life much more enjoyable to have friends who are fun and who all understand when your kids melts down in public, instead of giving you the evil eye like you can't control them.  I love my girlfriends; I have fun with my girlfriends, and I really whole-heartedly enjoy every second I get to spend with them and their kiddos.  Ladies, you know who you are; thanks for the friendship and the shoulders on which I can lean when my kids drive me nutty.

23. My wonderful family members who offer to help out with the kids: I am one lucky momma.  I have an amazing family. I have a husband who is a great dad and loves his boys tremendously, parents who help with my kids and help with my daily chores, a mother in law who helps my entire family out in numerous ways, sister in laws who lovingly offer to babysit. I even have extended family, aunts and uncles, (that's you Scarlett and Gary) who help me with my kids by allowing me to have parties at their house in the summer. I love my family. I have been blessed (even if mom does lose my kid every now and then while babysitting or put buttermilk in his cereal or peaches in the sippy cup).  

24. Sit N Stand Stroller: If you have a small kid and a big kid, you will agree that a Sit N Stand stroller is FABULOUS! It may have a crappy turning radius, but it sure makes life easy by allowing the baby to have a comfortable seat and providing Ryder with a big boy seat, something that has been a life saver when going on outings to places like the Georgia Aquarium or the Birmingham Zoo.

25. Tear Free Shampoo: I think we moms take this for granted. My kids are not still when I wash the shampoo out of their hair every night.  With tear free shampoo, I don't have to worry about getting the suds in their face.

26. Nebulizers with Albuterol: OK, this one is controversial because it has its down side, but if it were not for breathing treatments, my poor boys would be miserable and would have very labored breathing when they are sick (like always). It may not be fun to deal with, but I am thankful for the medical help it provides in making my boys feel better when they are sick.

27. Washable Bed Pads: Ryder typically throws up in the bed on average of twice a month. He has tons of congestion and if he coughs for more than a minute, he pukes everywhere (be aware of this if you ever ask him to spend the night, BTW).  He also still sleeps in a pull up, which occasionally leaks.  I HATE changing sheets, especially if I just changed them and then he has an accident, SO I always put sheets on the bed, then I put a washable bed pad where he sleeps and finally, tuck a flat sheet over it.  This way, if he has an accident, I simply pull of the top layer of sheet and bed pad, throw it in the washer, and the fitted sheet is clean and in-tact. I call this the Throw Up Plan, and I have perfected it. It cuts down on changing sheets and makes my life oh so much easier.     

28. Oatmeal: I think if it were not for oatmeal, Sawyer might starve to death. Well, that and Carnation Instant Breakfast.

29.  Fashionable Flats. I love clothes and shoes. I particularly love high heels, but as a momma, I learned real quick why moms get a bad rap for the way they dress.  Sometimes with kids, in order to function and maintain control, you must dress comfortably. It would be a disaster taking my kids to a place where I would possibly need to bust out in a run to catch a kid who has gone AWOL on me in public. But now that cute flats are all the rage, I can chase kids while looking adorably in fashion. A definite plus. This is one trend that I hope continues.

30. Blogger: Why am I thankful for my blog? Because, my blog allows me an outlet to vent my mommy frustrations to an audience that understands.  If I post every frustration on FB, then everyone who is my friend has to see it. So the guy from school I am friends with has to see my mommy rant clogging his FB Timeline (which I am not going to lie, does happen), but if I write a blog about my nervousness or anxiety concerning parenting, then I can simply share a link and only those who are interested have to read. I can connect with other moms and maybe help somebody else out with one of my mom problems or someone can leave me a comment or send me a message and make me feel better about whatever it was I was writing about, so if you have a comment, please feel free to post it!

BONUS: 

And Finally, I am thankful for my boys, Ryder and Sawyer: Without my two precious boys, none of the previous 29 reasons of thanks would matter or exist, for me anyway.  They are my world; I love them more than my own life and am more thankful than I could ever express in words for them.  They are my true blessings this Thanksgiving.

So, what are your Thanks for the month?

  

Raising My Spirited Child...

Okay, I know it seems like I always post when Ryder has some type of behavioral problem.  (Consider this a follow up to my past post, Taming My Unruly Child: Failures in Parenthood, lol) Though always rambunctious and loud, he is not always "bad."  It is just that I seem most inspired to write when things are troubling me or stressing me out. Maybe Taylor Swift isn't always breaking up with boys and then falling in love again and then breaking up again--maybe she is only inspired to write about those situations and that is simply all we see regarding her relationships! So just call me the Taylor Swift of parenting blogs...

Nevertheless, this post concerns, you guessed it, Ryder's hard (at times) to control personality.

I have noticed in the past weeks/months that Ryder has become increasingly disrespectful towards me in-particular.  He has always been an extremely spirited, very independent, very "I'll-do-it-myself" type of kid, but in recent weeks, he has picked up some unflattering habits.  He has taken to saying things like "yeah yeah, whatever" when I ask him to do something or saying, "in a minute" when I give him a command.  Now, in the beginning, I admit, responded probably inappropriately to these responses.  Sometimes I would laugh or let it slide.  You have to understand, Ryder has such a funny way about what he does and what he says.  He isn't like the typical whiny kid who is grating or the harshly cruel child who is hateful; instead, he is almost comical in the way he responds.  And it is not just me--everyone tends to laugh at some of the responses he gives when, in all honesty, he should be reprimanded.  Recently though, this talk has escalated, and his most disrespectful speech tends to be directed at me.  Now he will flat out say "No!" when I tell him to do something, or he will angrily yell hurtful comments at me when I do something he doesn't like, don't give him what he wants, or try to discipline him.  It seems as if I hear "I don't like you; you're not my girlfriend anymore" or "I am mad at you mommy" or worse once a day.  I try and let it slide, knowing he is intentionally pushing my buttons to get a response, but sometimes, it feels overwhelming.  And I get that kids are typically less intimidated by and more likely to test a mother than a father, but that does not excuse his behavior or make it any less hurtful.    

Along with his developing backtalk, he has also developed the four year old version of a potty mouth. He has certainly picked a lot of this up from classmates at school, but still, it is not okay for him to incorporate talk like "poopy head, butt crack, naked head, doo doo butt" or any other gross kid term into his everyday vocabulary.  I have noticed over the past 4 weeks that he is using phrases like these to the point that it is becoming habit. He is even starting to us these words without even really realizing it; he just spouts them out.  And like any boy, it always makes him giggle to talk about pooting, farting or burping.  The other day when he was mad at me, he yelled at me and told me "Mommy, you're a doo doo."  Is that like the four year old version of calling someone a piece of shit? I mean , good lawd. Shaun and I and my parents have been trying very diligently and seriously to correct him when he says these things, but this leads me into my next behavioral issue: not listening.

I can repeat myself 800,000,000,000 times, and he still can ignore me like I never said anything! I have been fighting this battle honestly for 3 years now (basically since he was old enough to intentionally not listen.)  Example: I have been telling him not to drink the bath water for YEARS! And yet, every time he takes a bath, I catch him drinking the water. It is so frustrating.  I say "do not drink the bath water!" at least 3 times during every bath. I have spanked him, jerked him out of the tub as soon as he drank the water, taken his bath toys away, taken any water holding containers out of the tub, and yet, he still drinks the bath water, always.

The thing is, this kid has stickability.  He can wear a person down, is as stubborn as a mule and has a spirit that is hard to, for lack of a better word, break.  PLEASE don't misunderstand, raising him has been wonderful, but certainly tiring as well.  I have, however, reached the end of my rope as far as taking his attitude.  He is honestly a very sweet hearted boy, but he wants what he wants and if he doesn't get it, he can lose it.  Often if he is extremely frustrated, he will immediately lash out by throwing something or trying to hit me or whoever is close by.  I really think, at least in part, this is his personality (the impulsive behavior and the rambunctious attitude that is).  He is sweet 80% of the time and difficult 20% and a handful 100%.  I liken him to a dog (just hear me out), maybe a lab or something that is typically happy go lucky, but even then is bounding through the house, chewing on furniture and tearing things up. Even on Ryder's best days, he is spunky and all over the place.  Those days I can handle, enjoy even.  Honestly, I think I would feel bored if he were subdued.  It is just this recent development of his more aggressive, disrespectful and oblivious-to-being-scolded side that is driving me batcrap crazy.

Truthfully, sometimes I worry about his behavior, worry about others' perceptions of him, worry about how he will handle kindergarten and school; heck, I'd be a liar if I didn't admit I have even worried he may end up in Juvie, lol.  I have decided though that my behavior is as much to blame as anything.  I definitely know how I need to react when he tests me, and boy can he test me.  I also think a lot of parenting know-it-alls who love to offer parenting advice have not really dealt with such a headstrong kid who can be so unphased by a punishment or who acts so oblivious to the fact that he is seriously about to go one step too far.  Sometimes, even though I know I must contain my composure, I just lose it and yell at him, raise my voice or do something to really let him know that whatever he is doing is getting to me, which is ultimately what he wants.  Top this off by adding to it the guilt I feel for responding to him in a way that I know is not really helping the situation and then mix it with the worry I am suppressing that I am not being a successful parent.  I know I must be consistent too with how I handle him.  It is like dieting.  I know how to be healthy; it is just hard being diligent to always stick to it.  And the other thing about Ryder is, it isn't just random outbursts that subside.  He doesn't have tantrums.  He's never totally melted down in a completely uncontrollable way; instead he is constantly being strong willed, constantly having to be reigned in so to speak.  He does better in an atmosphere where he can be loud or run around.  I don't feel so worried, which makes me calmer and causes him to then be better behaved. But put us in a quiet room or a place where he needs to be still and behaved, and I almost instantly start to sweat.  Long lines are my own personal hell, I swear.  I get tense and he gets bored, which leads to him being loud and obnoxious and me being easily set off.

My pediatrician, I think, really thinks Ryder is ADD or ADHD, but he hasn't specifically said it, though he did tell me he figured in kindergarten the teacher may reference me to seeking help for it.  I guess a part of me also believes he is ADD or ADHD.  I am not saying I am looking for a diagnosis or medicine, but I think he has a limited ability to focus, and when he does focus on something that he wants to focus on, it is almost impossible to get him to respond to anything else. So, I have to come up with something to help to change not only his behavior, but mine also.  I realized this after talking to a friend this week about some similar problems she had with her daughter and the fact that she was improving due to the mom knowing how to better handle the behaviors.  It left me actually feeling encouraged at the fact that his behavior can be modified and improved.  So I decided to put into action some steps that, I hope, will help to start really teaching Ryder to control himself and to be a better behaved child.

I went to Dollar General and bought the supplies to make a behavioral chart for him so he can have more structure, definition and consistency as to what I expect from him, and so far, I think it may really be what I needed.  He was ecstatic about it and was so happy to earn stars to put on it.  It is basically a reward system that requires him to earn stickers, which he can the cash in for prizes (like getting an ice cream, going to play at Chick Fil A or getting to pick a surprise from a treasure box).  Last night he even attempted to eat some of a grilled cheese (big for him), and he went to bed much easier than most nights (though it was not totally glitch free).  I have also discovered he is much more upset by knowing he has a "yellow light" than he is by being put into time out or being spanked.  Granted, when the new wears off, he may not be as excited and willing to follow directions, but hopefully this can keep him on track and provide him with a sense of satisfaction for doing positive things instead of just getting attention for his "bad behavior."  And I am not so sure how to handle some of this in public or while away from home, (maybe a travel chart and a to-go red light/green light chart?) but for the moment, I am satisfied with this start.  My sweet husband also provided me with a Link To Focus On The Family ADHD Tips that I have shared with you concerning handling a child with ADHD, and though Ryder is not diagnosed with this, I think the steps and advice fit our situation perfectly.  

 
That being said, I think kids will be kids, and I certainly do not expect him to be perfect.  I just want to raise him to be kind, smart, sweet and respectful. I have to nip these current behaviors in the bud now before they become true personality traits.  I also have to remember he has only been four for roughly ten weeks, and he is a boy, so he may be immature at that.  He may also be frustrated at times, and he may not know any other way of channeling his frustrations other than lashing out. I don't know, maybe he feels most comfortable with me so he feels the most comfortable lashing out at me, but whatever it is, I want to teach him the skills he needs to be happy and healthy, even if he is ever formally diagnosed with ADD or ADHD.

I have also noticed lately that Ryder tends to give up easily when he cannot get the hang of something the first time, like with a skill or activity.  He then goes into meltdown mode and cries and pouts.  He did this several times this past weekend at Six Flags when he didn't win a game he played or couldn't climb the rope latter to the top.  I want him to know that to me, he is the most special boy in the world, but that to the world, he is equal to everyone else.  I want him to be happy with himself, think highly of himself, but have empathy for others.  I don't want him to have such a high self esteem that he thinks the world owes him something for nothing. Heck, even bullies can have high self esteem (shout out Dr. Laura, lol).   I want him to learn to lose gracefully, and not to just expect to be given a trophy for simply showing up.  As a mother, it is hard to watch your child be disappointed, but learning the skills to cope with disappointment in a positive way will serve him better in the long run than by being the mother who never lets her child fail.

So, I have decided it is not just him that needs to change; it is me too.  I am going to try to maintain my composure when he pushes me to the edge. I am going to try to be more consistent with rules, rewards and punishments. I am going to try to stop spoiling him so much, stop buying him a toy every time we walk into a store or get him a prize for, well, typically for behaving badly in order to pacify him and hope he will then magically be nice. Sometimes, I admit, it does work, but usually, it doesn't really do anything but make the pattern harder to break in the future.  I distinctly remember last year on Christmas night (and we have HUGE Christmases at our house) he asked me when he was getting ready for bed if he could have a surprise. I was stunned.  He was surrounded by a ton of toys, some even unopened.  I know I won't be perfect, and if you see me in public with him acting up, and I am about to lose it, cut me a break please. But other than that, wish me luck and offer me encouragement and advice for how to tame my spirited child!  

And finally, I just want to mention, just to be clear, I write when I am frustrated and though it may appear otherwise, Ryder is an amazing son and person. He is gorgeous and funny and loving too.  He just is also difficult at times.  And I am honest.  I think many kids are like this, but parents don't love to admit it to other parents.  It usually makes me feel better though when I discover other moms of kids who I think of as well behaved have moments where they experience similar situations to mine.