A Mother’s Perspective:

Getting out the door to go to church yesterday was no small feat. Now that we live in Southside, we have to drive 35 minutes to get to CCC instead of 5 minutes. We couldn’t be on time before we moved; now, it is next to impossible. Nevertheless, we made it and I am so glad we did. If you are not familiar with Covenant Christian Church, Dr. Rodney Gilmore is the pastor. He is an amazing preacher and teacher, and yesterday he devoted the service to all of the mommies in the congregation.  Instead of trying to act as if he totally understood what being a mother is like, he instead read something that “said it better than [he] could.” It was written from a mom’s perspective to her daughter, who had mentioned to the mother that she was interested in starting a family.  The mom was trying to decide how to explain to her daughter exactly what comes with motherhood.  It isn’t just that sleeping late and free weekends are things of the past, but that a mother’s entire perspective on the world changes after children.  I thought it was well written and it made me think of how my perspective has changed since my kids were born.

 Poop.  I can honestly say that I never thought that in my adult life I would be so comfortable talking about poop in my everyday conversation like I have been since my kids were born.  I joke that I haven’t eaten a meal in almost four years that I didn’t have to take a break to go change a poop or wipe a bottom.  Mothering isn’t for the faint of heart and I am a pro now. My mom will cringe and think I have lost any amount of dainty ladylike qualities I ever possibly possessed when she reads this, but I can change a stinky diaper while eating dinner and never miss a beat! (Trust me, that description could have been tons grosser.) Somehow, when it is your own child, it isn’t that bad. That doesn’t mean I don’t think poop and puke are gross, but a mother can totally ignore all gross bodily functions for her kids well being and comfort.   In my four years of mothering experience, I have had more conversations about spit up and poop consistency than any non mother ever would think of. Sometimes I laugh when I hear myself trying to explain to someone what a diaper I was concerned about looked like. No one cares but me! I get tickled looking at Facebook.  I can spot a good mother from a mile away. I have read more potty related status updates than I can count.  They are always written by an ecstatic mommy who is happy her baby is progressing, reaching milestones.  Non-parents probably hide these offenders from their Wall; other mothers chime in with advice and congratulations.  I used to call my son’s daycare to get a bottom update—almost daily! That is nuts! Ryder battled with extreme cases of diaper rash as a baby, and it would send me over the edge. I would obsess with cream and paste and powder and would regularly send notes with explanations of how to properly apply them to his bottom, like they didn’t know how to put powder on a baby’s butt. I would call daily and say “I am just calling to check on Ryder’s bottom.” That is extreme parenting! One time I was actually relieved when my daycare called to tell me there had been a small fire at the school.  I had seen the caller ID and was frantic his bottom was hurting from diaper rash. Seriously, I know it is crazy, but the thought of him hurting or feeling pain would send me into a tailspin. I have logged numerous hours worrying over this type of thing, and I am comfortable with all gross aspects of parenthood, more than comfortable. I don’t even notice it anymore.  No one could have ever made me understand just how gross parenthood is and how things like poop, puke and applying diaper rash cream become fodder for normal everyday conversations.

Another perspective I truly could not appreciate before children was the worrying mothers do over even the most common childhood sicknesses, let alone major illnesses.  Anyone who knows me knows my kids have had their fair share of ear infections.  That is something else I have become so familiar with since I became a mother.  When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared to tell my mom. She didn’t have a track record for being very excited about the announcement of future grandchildren.  When I would casually mention kids, she would tell me to wait or that I didn’t know what I would be getting myself into.  I totally get that now, but only now, after I became a mother. I don’t think it can be explained adequately to a potential mom BEFORE she has kids.  One thing never explained to me was the stress of childhood illness, and I am not even talking about any serious sickness. Heaven only knows mothers who deal with major or life threatening illness must be completely crazy! I don’t know how they cope. For me, I never knew my kids would have to go to the doctor so much.  That isn’t really something you budget for when thinking of expanding a family. I honestly think that when my kids eventually (hopefully) outgrow all of this childhood sickness stuff, we will feel like we are earning a second income! I spend a ridiculous amount of money on doctor’s visits (not to mention at the pharmacy).  I may win an award for the amount of times I walk through the door.  But I don’t care. I will give every last extra cent I have to take Sawyer to the doctor for that random ear recheck if I even remotely suspect it might make a difference in the way he feels.  I have even resorted to buying my own otoscope so I can check his ears daily myself. I think I missed my calling. I can spot an ear infection and make sure our tubes are okay from a mile away.  I seriously would consider being an ENT if I had my career to do over again.  I now realize that they, whoever they are, don’t call us Dr. Mom for no reason.  A mother’s instincts are amazing when it comes to protecting a child.  I have sensed so many illnesses and infections before they happened. I have a throw up plan that runs as smoothly and efficiently as a military operation.  Because Ryder has always had a runny nose that makes him cough and choke until he throws up, I have experienced my fair share of cleaning up puke (see, we are back to puke).  If I even sense that Ryder is going to be sick, or if he gets sick with a virus, I can engage in Operation Throw Up before Shaun can even realize what has happened. I will strip sheets, place a Chucks pad on his mattress, cover it with a flat sheet, drape an extra sheet over the floor, set extra Chucks, folded sheets and pjs out and get a throw up bucket under his face faster than you can believe.  I never knew I had such a talent for taking care of sick babies.  Staying up all night and losing sleep is no major loss though when it means that I can oversee the comfort of my kids so they can sleep well. It is what a mother does without even thinking about it. It cannot be explained.

Motherhood also causes paranoia.  This paranoia has recently been most notable in my fear of tornadoes. Prior to having babies, I didn’t think much at all about storms. Now, I am obsessed.  On days when tornadoes are likely, I pack my storm bag for the boys. The last major storm we had I went to my parents’ house with my bag, which included a football helmet for Ryder, bicycle helmet for Sawyer, baby Bjorn carrier so that Sawyer wouldn’t be ripped away from me in the hypothetical tornado, Ryder’s kid harness so I would be able to hold on to him if need be and a change of clothes for the boys.  My sister in law even commented to my mom about it and asked when I became so scared of storms. I thought that was so funny. I guess I didn’t realize how I looked to others or that I was all of the sudden asking about storms more than I used to. I didn’t even really classify myself as being scared, just aware.  Before kids, when sirens would go off in the middle of the night, I wouldn’t even always wake up. Now, I force everyone to take cover in the bathtub at the first sight of James Spann. When I think about it, I realize that I became this way after Ryder was born. I can remember that first storm post baby when I thought “Oh my gosh, I have to protect him.” It is so funny how all of the sudden, as a mom, I analyze every danger in a way I never would have before.  Everything is now a death trap to my precious babies,--a perspective on parenting no one ever explained before my kids were born (though my mom said she did try).  

I love my boys. I swear I am not that crazy either, despite how the above blog screams the opposite about me!  After church Sunday, I just thought about what Brother Rodney read and thought how true it was. How my life post-kids could never have been adequately explained to a pre-kid version of myself.  I protect and care for my babies without even knowing it and things I do now and things that are normal for me now are not the things I ever thought of before having children.  But my new norm is wonderful. My life is blessed and I am so grateful to the experience I have had as a mother, even when they drive me nuts and make me paranoid.